


Cold Hands

by GALDORIAL



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25110628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GALDORIAL/pseuds/GALDORIAL
Summary: Takes place during Fractured but Whole. If you fartcour onto a roof with the Human Kite, he'll say a few voice lines, one of which is something like "It's cold up here. I really wish my outfit had sleeves." So I decided to write a story about someone giving him sleeves. This is a shitty summary but who gives a shit.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski & Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman
Comments: 9
Kudos: 67





	Cold Hands

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah yeah, if ur reading this bc ur used to my normal shit, I'll be back to ur regularly scheduled incest in a minute. I just started rewatching South Park bc the last time I watched it was middle school and so I thought I'd write something different. Yeah lol

“Hey, uh, Human Kite, can I speak with you for just a moment?” Cartman asks at the end of a  _ Coon and Freedom Pals _ meeting as he taps lightly on Kyle’s shoulder.

“Uhm… Sure?” Kyle replies, slowing down his steps to let the rest of his friends outpace him. Stan doesn’t even seem to notice as he continues to chat away happily with Wendy and Clyde.

Once they’ve made it a ways away from Token’s house, Kyle starts to get antsy. “What is it you wanted to talk about, Coon?” he asks, finally turning to address the boy beside him for the first time since they started walking home.

Cartman glances to meet Kyle’s eyes before immediately dropping the look. “Can we just get to my house?” he mumbles in response, stuffing his hands in his pockets, cheeks stained bright pink.

Kyle feels unsteady as he watches the boy walking beside him. When has Cartman  _ ever _ acted like this? Where the fuck is Cartman and who the hell is this boy wearing his skin?

The walk feels unbearably long with the awkward air between them and Kyle wonders if this is what hell is. This has to be some ploy of Cartman’s to unnerve him, and damn if it isn’t working. If only Kyle could figure out why, then he could at the very least be prepared for the trap he is about to walk straight into. He knows damn fucking well what happens when someone underestimates Eric Cartman. They end up eating their own parents in a bowl of chili. A shiver runs up Kyle’s spine at the memory.

Finally,  _ FINALLY, _ they reach the Cartman residence. Cartman opens the door and leads Kyle inside.

“Okay, seriously dude, what the fuck is going on?” Kyle cracks, crossing his arms defensively over his chest as he tries desperately to read the enigma of a boy standing in front of him.

“Just close your eyes,” Cartman gives as an evasive non-answer. He seems to hunch even farther in on himself if that’s even possible, now out-right avoiding Kyle’s eyes.

“What…?” Kyle asks, feeling even more baffled by the second. Why did he even agree to come along in the first place? He should have just bailed when Cartman said he wanted to get all the way to his house first. How many times has Cartman attempted to kill him off now? “Why?”

“JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKING JEW EYES!” Cartman snaps, though he doesn’t have even the slightest change in how he’s holding himself physically.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Kyle fumes, pissed off that he bothered to care even slightly about what Cartman wanted. If it wasn’t a plot to kill him, it was definitely dumb anyway. Scratch that, even if it was a murder plot, that’d still be dumb. Fuck Cartman. Kyle tries to force himself to storm out of the house, but something holds him in place just after he turns away. It takes him a moment to place the curiosity gnawing at the back of his mind. God damn it.

“I’m sorry!” Cartman blurts out, reaching out and grabbing Kyle’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Damn right you shouldn’t have!” Kyle spits, smacking Cartman’s hand from his shoulder. “And don’t you dare touch me!” While he says that, he does still turn back, meeting Cartman’s eyes. Suddenly, it’s as though the fight is sapped from his body, the adrenaline gone as soon as it came, leaving him tired and annoyed. “Fine,” he says, flopping down on the couch and closing his eyes with a huff. “What now, fat-ass.”

“I’m not fat,” Cartman mumbles as he lifts Kyle’s hand, sliding something onto it and up his arm.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re just big boned,” Kyle rolls his eyes even though Cartman can’t see it since they’re closed. “And I’m not Jewish, I just don’t believe in Jesus Christ’s divinity.”

Cartman does the same to Kyle’s other arm before shuffling back a few steps. “I knew they’d fit,” he mumbles proudly, seemingly to himself and not Kyle. “Alright, now get the fuck out of my house.”

Kyle opens his eyes and looks at his arms: he is wearing long gloves that almost reach his shoulders. They appear to have been fashioned out of dark blue socks and have little kites obviously hand sewn into the fabric if the quality of embroidering is anything to go off of. Whoever made them obviously got fed up with making separate fingers because the right hand is an actual glove and the left hand is just a mitten. To top it off, there is a kite made of sticks and fabric sewn onto the backs of each hand.

Kyle looks them both over warily, scrutinizing every inch to try and decipher what trick Cartman is trying to pull on him this time. He even goes so far as to sniff the sock fabric to see if Cartman just wanted to trick Kyle into wearing his old, stinky socks, but he comes up empty handed. They smell new. Like he bought them fresh for this project. No way in hell.

“Did you make these yourself?” Kyle asks, still looking them over. None of this adds up.

“Well, duh!” Cartman scoffs, apparently offended that Kyle would dare to question his “kindness.” Yeah, sure, like he has any. “Just what do you take me for?”

“Eric Cartman.” Kyle deadpeans, completely unimpressed as he turns to regard his “friend” with full-blown suspicion. “Why?”

“Why what?” Cartman replies, seemingly unable to meet Kyle’s eyes. “Seriously, just take the gift and leave.”

“What prank are you trying to pull?” Kyle asks, crossing his arms. Damn though, these gloves are really nice to wear…

“Nothing, okay?!” Cartman shouts, his eyes squeezing shut as his cheeks darken in shade.

“Then what do you want from me?” Kyle asks. “You’re never nice to anyone,  _ especially me _ , without a reason. So what is it?”

“Nothing! Really!” Cartman insists, lifting his eyes to meet Kyle’s. “I-It’s just that… I, uh, overheard you telling the new kid that you um, you wished your outfit had sleeves. So I uh… yeah… Lame.”

“That still does nothing to explain why you  _ care _ ,” Kyle sighs, fighting the overwhelming urge to pinch the bridge of his nose like Stan would. “Either you want something from me and you saw an opportunity to do something nice for me so I’d owe you and feel compelled to do what you asked, OR you saw an opportunity to humiliate me and you took it in stride because that’s what you always do. Now which is it?”

“Neither! I swear!”

“Your word means nothing!” Kyle replies with a solid roll of his eyes. “You break promises all the time. I honestly can’t remember the last time you  _ kept _ a promise. So, why? Why are you being nice to me?”

“I don’t KNOW!” Cartman cracks, before running a hand down his face and sighing in defeat. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t stop thinking about how even though your closest friends left to form the Freedom Pals, you stayed by my side. I felt like I just  _ had _ to do something nice for you. It makes no sense and I can’t even begin to explain just how much I hate you for it!”

That manages to pull Kyle up short. Is it possible Cartman could be telling the truth? God damn it. This kind of doubt is exactly what Cartman wants, but Kyle knows he’s already lost. He’s just going to have to accept it and wait for whatever Cartman is trying to pull to show up out of the blue and bite him in the ass. “Did you do something nice for Craig?” he asks, standing up from the couch.

“What? Craig?” Cartman’s face skews up in thought for a moment. “Why the fuck would I do anything for that asshole?”

“Me and Stan were still friends when the group split,” Kyle says, “but Craig and Tweek actually broke up over it all. Don’t you think he’s the one who deserves your thanks?”

“What? No way in hell,” Cartman laughs. “Like I give a shit about his stupid relationship.”

“But you give a shit about me?” Kyle counters, raising an eyebrow.

“Wh-What? No way! That’s stupid!” Cartman says, his voice faltering as he takes a step back. “Just get the fuck out of my house, stupid jew.”

“Cartm-”

“Jewjewjewjewjewjewjew,” Cartman repeats over and over, plugging his ears with his fingers and squeezing his eyes shut.

Kyle tries to say Cartman’s name a few more times, but after he fails to get any form of response he just shouts, “OKAY!”

Cartman stops talking then and unplugs his ears.

“I’m leaving,” Kyle says. “Just listen. I know you probably rubbed these on your balls or something, but they’re actually pretty great. So thank you.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Cartman scoffs, turning to walk up stairs, probably to his room. “Just get out of my house.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Coon,” Kyle calls after him.

“Y-Yeah,” Cartman says, turning back for just a moment. “See you tomorrow je-... Kite.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I know that was short but I hope you enjoyed. This might turn into a collection of short stories about the South Park cast bc as I was rewatching it, I kept picking up tiny details that would make an interesting enough one-shot. So yeah. If u wanna reach me feel free to yell at me on Discord: GALDORIAL#9613

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [What Are Those?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25153243) by [riversritual](https://archiveofourown.org/users/riversritual/pseuds/riversritual)
  * [Stitch Up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25787344) by [riversritual](https://archiveofourown.org/users/riversritual/pseuds/riversritual)




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